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Writers' Forum • Toil and succour - Page 6
Page 6 of 24

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 12:47 pm
by Agnes
Voulez vous?

French folk talk funny.
Va va va voom.
I feel like flyin'.
Bring me a broom.

We need more poets.
Va va va voom.
This place is too quiet--
just like a tomb.

They must be frightened.
Va va va voom.
They must be hiding
in the next room.

The question is: Who will go find them?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 1:54 pm
by Jabberwhacky
I hope you will my dear perhaps,
While I'll bring up the rear perhaps.

Li'l Bo Peep she did maybe,
but how, its still unclear perhaps.

Long John Silver, he could,
after he's quaffed his beer perhaps.

Pirates of the Carribean you think?
Stout-hearted buccaneer perhaps.

We could let this story end at once,
do away with the raconteur perhaps.

Time to bid adieu 'Ravi'
Time to disappear perhaps....

Is a poem no more than a thread,
worked on in this atelier perhaps?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 12:55 am
by olson29
More to come.
Body gave out, mind did
Not. Somewhere a child is hungry.
At a time a mammal element rock splattered
Rot down the incisions of Weather Mountain spin.
The story does not end, it only seperates at spots.

Islands connect and bridges come together, love babies.
Let it continue and make little meals and memory mores;
With it. Threads of thought sop in what was snow, no other river,
Ocean deep in. Lost in body water universe; nuance purposes. Specks
Says it your way, what of, else? The labels sticker laughs, find what lasts.
"It's fun and I like it that summer 9." Spinning air inside all my present heres.


Why are your fingers dirty?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 4:10 am
by Jabberwhacky
Dirty fingers,long and lingers
and the cookie jar is so clean,
there is milk on your whiskers
cat, pray where have you been?

There is trouble afoot and mischief afar,
Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:00 am
by olson29
We were meant for eachother.
There were scenes happening
Everywhere else in the world.
We believe(d) ours were the best.
I danced with you and being with you
Far surpassed my wide longings for you.
It didn't matter what we were.
It didn't matter what we were.

I thought I knew you before,
You loved to give me all of more
You quenched to give - all you to me,
And you, you, you taught me.

You are away and I cannot find you,
Please find me.



How many nuances can you make nourishing-violent
What do you hear when things are silent?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:33 am
by Agnes
What do you hear when things are silent?

Nothing.

No sound
Only
This.
Here
Inside
Nothing
Grows.


The question is: What color is nothing?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:19 pm
by lars2
There has always been a lot more general critique here than other sites I've visited. Some of it is quite helpful. One site I go to has a process built into their system requiring st least three critiques (or at the very least, responses to other's work) for every one poem posted. If you aren't up on your responses you are blocked from posting. This somewhat insures all members "do" something. Putting in a process like that might spread the load, so to speak. Personally I have a great deal of trouble critiquing the work of others. i either "like" it or I don't. And that is neither productive nor helpful to the writer. But I would be very happy to be held to a little quid pro quo discipline. Might be good all around. help everybody to understand better what's most effective.

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:34 pm
by Agnes

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:42 am
by lars2
Oops.

I already got yelled at in private for my post. It was just a response to the original question about helping. I think it was a lot more on-topic than many of the other posts in the thread which disregard the intent of ravi's original question.

If it is all that inappropriate, as my private message suggested, perhaps the site admin person could take it down. That would be fine with me. I'm not sure how to do this.

Hope no one here ever has to work with a real editor. I would give you low odds for survival.

Here is my question: Why is there air?

Do what you will and I will refrain from posting on discussions in future.

Cheers

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Fri Aug 07, 2009 9:31 am
by Agnes

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2009 12:06 pm
by Cat Sith

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Sat Aug 15, 2009 6:45 am
by Jabberwhacky
You could shun all triglycerides and msg,
gulp Omega-3 by the spoonful if you please;
my waist subsists on margarine and ghee
and bliss is a double mac and cheese.

You could go on about fibre and fat,
(and how the F.A.S.E.B. speaks of these),
I am bald and obese and well that is that,
now pass me that juicy mac n cheese!

Binds it and keeps it from breaking apart,
Is cholestrol really good for the heart?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:14 am
by olson29
Body bayou's trance speed.
Fragments of cypress bark slide
Humid wind; sounds within sounds
Whistle in a language based on belief.
There is a peak in our journey, a rise,
A pause, and a decline until the end of time.
Chipping away at the dualism spun stagnant.


Where do you go when you teleport?

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:24 am
by Cat Sith

Re: Toil and succour

Posted: Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:44 am
by Agnes
Kimmy! :smt006

Where do you go when you teleport? Did you count your chickens?

I go to Grandfather's farm.
The hay in the loft is warm.
The chicks are tucked in their bed.
No reason for worry or dread.
Here, we're all free from harm.


The question is: What is that smell?